This blog is going to document the process of a technical adult moving in with another technical adult (my boyfriend) and living together as grown ups. It will mostly be a running log of our consistent surprise at the rest of the world not quite meeting expectations.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Bridal Shower Woes

Although Some Assembly Required has mostly taken on a home-related theme, I actually created it with the intent of discussing both my and my boyfriend's venture into adulthood. (Despite him being thirty-two and me being twenty-three, we're sorta stepping out together.)

Two weeks ago I went to my first bridal shower. The guest of honor is a friend of mine, and the sort of girl that could be described as "no fuss, no muss." She dislikes having too much attention put on her at once -- like most normal people -- and hates to put other people out for her own needs. This is the sort of person who generally has a tolerable party in their honor. If she were a Bridezilla, I could probably come up with a more amusing blog entry. Alas, I need to stretch thing a bit.

Wikipedia, the most reliable source for information since the Oracle of Delphi, has fun things about the tradition of bridal showers. Apparently bridal showers were mostly used for

a) ensuring the poor-ass engaged couple would actually HAVE a wedding -- because when someone gives you two sets of dinner plates, you better be able to walk down the aisle.
b) when a father refused to give a dowry because they openly hated the furture groom, friends of the bride would gather gifts together to make up for it. More on that here.

I don't see anywhere " c) to thoroughly embarrass a stressed bride to be " written anywhere.

This shower only had a few games, one of which was pretty cute (Bridal Bingo). Here's a list of other games. Some are absolutely heinous.

Some Highlights
The Banana Game - For this game you will need two ripe bananas and someone to play music. The first person is instructed to place a banana between her knees and she must pass the it to the next person without using any hands. This continues until the music stops, and the person with the banana when the music stops is out. Add another banana circling from the opposite direction to complicate the game further. Last person standing wins!
At other parties when bananas go between a gal's knees, no one's grandmother cheers them on. I'm just saying.
Cotton Head - Choose a guest to go first, and sit her in the middle of the room. Hand her a bowl full of cotton balls and a wooden spoon, and blindfold her. The object of the game is to pile as many cotton balls on your own head as possible within a certain amount of time (30 seconds or so.) After everyone has had a turn, the guest who got the most cotton balls on her head wins a prize.
 This game helps hone important skills for a future bride -- piling. Ehm...
What Will She Say Next? Game - As the bride is opening her gifts, a friend records all of her comments about each one. (It helps if the bride is a left unaware of the scribe's activity.) Then after the gifts have been given, read the statements aloud, but putting them in a very new context: What the bride will say on her wedding night! This game is a little saucy.
Ooooh... watch out! Saucy!! Naughty naughty phrases like "Oh, I needed one of these!" and "How long does the warranty last?" will scald the ears of your great aunt Frieda. Do you kiss your groom to be with that mouth?

Just so it's in writing, I'd like to say Instant Execution Awaits Any Who 

- tries to put me in a toilet paper wedding dress
- forces the infamous "Gift Bow Hat" on me
- creates a disturbingly aggravating excuse to get me to the surprise bridal shower

I've already received "warnings" from my engaged friends that I'm in for it. I may have to pack heat when my time comes!

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